Friday, 14 September 2012

Billet-doux to An Ascetic



 Gopal prabhuji welcomed her in his cosy apartment. She was asked to be seated and wait for five minutes. She could hear the clinking of kitchenware and sound of spluttering of oil coming from the kitchen. She knew that the hosts had been eagerly waiting for her, and were fully prepared to receive her well. She sat there, diffident and slightly flustered. She had entered a vaishnav-household after a long time. Gopal prabhuji emerged out of the kitchen carrying a glass of water. 

"I just returned from the temple an hour and half ago. There was a special lecture; I could not resist attending it. I hope you didn't have much trouble finding the place." Gopal prabhuji said with a placid smile, and sat on the couch across the table.
  

She took the glass of water and quaffed the contents in one go. They exchanged civilities in the initial few minutes of the meeting. She was dying to hear about the subject that she was actually there for.
Gopal prabhuji's mother walked in with a tray loaded with two varieties of snacks. She got up and greeted her.

"You must be hungry...have some of these" she said. "I've cooked them myself" Prabhuji hastened to add. "Hari had asked me last night what was I cooking for you? I said Khichdi and papad.I tease him a lot! " he  said chuckling.

She smiled an absurd smile. 

After serving her the snacks in a plate, Prabhuji's mother left and carried on with her cooking business. The clinking ensued.

She thought it right time to get straight to the point. "How's Hari, Prabhuji? What did the doctor actually say?" she inquired.
Prabhuji thought for a moment and prodded her to eat first. She complied. The snacks were undoubtedly delicious, but she was least interested in them.
 
Prabhuji spoke after couple of anxious minutes: "It's a case of double cancer. While one is still curable, the other is in its last stage. He has hardly any time left. This might as well be his last fortnight."

Her hands started shivering. Her throat refused to allow the morsel to pass through.

Prabhuji looked unfazed, she knew Prabhuji was shattered inside though.
Prabhuji's mother reappeared. " I think you did not like the food. You haven't finished a single cutlet yet! Come on finish it soon. I shall serve the prasadam(lunch) as soon as the Lord partakes it." she said.
 
Prabhuji signalled her to keep quiet and not discuss Hari in front of his mother. 
She inferred that prabhuji's mother was oblivious to the whole affair.
"I really liked it, mataji. I am a slow eater." she said trying hard to sound sincere.

Prabhuji came to her rescue and spoke: "Maa, I'll take the guest in my room; we'll chat there for sometime and then have the prasadam." They headed for Prabhuji's bedroom.
She was asked to make herself comfortable on the bed.
She took out the dhotis she had brought along with her to be sent for Hari, and passed them to Prabhuji. Prabhuji saw the many beautiful dhotis that were brought.

"Dekhiye(look), I will try to have them sent as soon as possible, but to be frank I don't think he would need so many of them."

Prabhuji reached for two packets kept on his bed-side table, and handed them over to her.
"This is what Hari has sent for you. I know nothing about the contents; but he said he's giving his 'everything' to you," Prabhuji looked at her and then glanced at the packets, and again looked at her, "I've known him for 25 years of my life. He never gave me something which he would call his 'everything'. If I am not mistaken, you haven't known him for long, have you? You are very lucky, I must say. How are you guys related? Hari said he has never even seen you! Nor have you, I guess."

She made no answer trying hard to hold back the whirlwind of emotions wrecking her composure.
"Hari's episode seems like a wake-up call to me, Prabhuji." said she.
"Then wake up!! Why are you still pressing the Snoooze button?" came a prompt and sharp rejoinder. "This is the only thing that would make Hari truly happy. Both the Haris, this one and the one up there" he concluded.
**********************************************************************
She returned home and hastily opened the packets.
She shut her room and cried....and cried, like a widow.
She was confused as to who was she crying for- herself or Hari? She thinks she was crying more for herself. 
***********************************************************************

I can’t think of a day,
When I don’t think of you.
And I can’t think of a day
When I don’t want to;
For I fear evanescence,
And even more so
Your studied insouciance.
(About the evanescence)
    

Your detachment
That drew me to you,
Your disenchantment
That enchanted me,
Now intimidates me often.
Maybe you’ll never know,
Maybe I’ll never show

I sometimes doubt
Your disillusionment.
I envy it too.
Is it not just an illusion of
A different sort-
An illusionary wall
Between me and you?

Until I met you
I avowed myself
As ‘emotionally impotent’.
Then came you
And made me doubt
My own pronouncement.
You made me laugh;
You made me cry;
Own that you cannot
Not love me
However hard you try.



The moniker that
You call me by
Shall always
Grace my being
As long as I last.
All things- said and unsaid,
The silence-
Heard and unheard,
Will be enshrined
In my heart
Like the relics
Of a glorious past.

Now that you’ve reached
Where you’ve,
I understand your disdain
For all that is corporal
And mundane.
But then how would you term
What transpired between us?
For one thing I know,
It is not thiswordly .

Your visage
I’ve never seen;
In your proximity
I’ve never been;
Of being in your arms,
I’ve never received
The pleasure.
Yet I can read
Every expression
Of yours
With precision
Beyond measure.


It’s nothing less
Than an idyllic romance,
This relationship we share;
Sans the miasma of lust,
Sprinkled with magical dust
Of mutual love and care.

But pardon my audacity,
O’ tall eremite,
I am going to say it,
The fear of impiety, despite;
I’ve longed for your touch;
Mere touch and no more.
When your body aches
And is all sore,
I feel like massaging your feet
So that those painful moments
May swiftly fleet.
Merely holding your hands
Could’ve been my cure-
Expression of love
Innocent and pure.

What should I despair more?
The distance between us,
Or the lack of possibility
Of it ever being bridged?
It is not physical distance
That we are separated by;
It’s my wretched fate,
That I am betrayed by
Yet I find solace in knowing
That however far apart we maybe,
I am as close to you
As a mortal can be.

They question my allegiance
Towards you;
They say I haven’t done enough.
I wish I could make them meet you,
So that you could show them
That the allegations
Are but guff!

Let me quote you
To quiet these naive charges
“I care for you.
 I certainly do.
 In my own eccentric way.
 Let’s both admit,
 Our love is a li’l fey.
 What you have done for me
 I can never repay.”




What we share the
The world would never know.
These untold tales,
Ensconced deep in my heart
Shall forever and ever glow.


I was blessed to be
Privy to this occult
Journey of yours,
Where I have actually
Seen you rise
From the nadir
To the brow.
And my only desire is
To see you grow and grow.

Given my way,
I’d never let you go.
But with a heavy heart
I must accept
That to the inevitable
We must bow.
How much will it hit me?
Maybe you’ll never know;
Maybe I’ll never show.

Through you
Life has reiterated a lesson
That it is selflessness
That makes love burgeon.



Monday, 30 July 2012

Yes, You Can!


When my mind
Is  haunted,
By the wraiths
Of a barren past,
A voice says
They won't last.

When the present
Reeks of futility
Overcasting my ability.
Its tone loaded with plea,
The voice speaks to me.

When anxieties as if floes,
adrift on the currents of future woes
Bog me down ever and anon.
The voice both stern and mignon,
Enjoins me to endure
A little more.

When I see my
Contrived plans
Squarely going down the pan.
A feeble voice
Somewhere from deep within
Says, "I for one believe,
Yes, you still can!"

Though frail and fragile
Deep-seated yet agile
Elementary and pure
As limpid as azure

The voice resonates within
Amid the outer clamor and din
Pragmatism and rationale aside
Fervently urging me to abide

It asks me to fuel
The dying embers
Of Hope
Rekindle the dying desire
To cope

In the gloomiest
Of times
When things
Barely make sense
I am left all
Jittery and tense

It reminds me of the faith
My dear ones have in me
Sounding nothing
Short of a firm decree
 “You have it in you
Yes, I can see it in thee”

“Let the wings of hope
Flutter and span
I for one believe
Yes, you can”


                                                      


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Saturday, 7 July 2012

An Earthy Monologue

*The already pied panorama began to change hues even more rapidly.  There was a sudden influx of zephyr in the languorous surroundings*


It seemed she was waiting for someone.
Her undeviating gaze was cemented on the path of his arrival. The unbearable heat of separation had debilitated her; she had become bony and had developed wrinkles all over her body. After two scorching months of separation, she finally saw him arriving. His arrival was pompous as usual. Though her exhilaration was beyond measure and every fibre of her body rejoiced on his arrival, she wasn't hospitable. Her yearning had accreted into angst and anger.

*Thick and dark clouds cover the sky and start roaring*

Dharini:Oh! Look who has arrived. How should I welcome you?  More importantly what brings you here now? Is it your curiosity to find out whether I am alive yet? To your dismay, I am.
But how would I ever repay for your magnanimity? You had to travel such long distances to come here only to find me alive.

*There's thunder in the sky.*

Dharini: You can choose to go back. I have reached a stage where neither your presence nor your absence bothers me. What's the worst that could happen? I might remain unconsummated. But if that's my destiny then so be it. After all, I am not the only one who would have met such fate. I will just be one among the many. I will also shed silent tears in the night and still manage to smile throughout the day. I will also swallow harsh nuggets of reality with an unfazed face, just like them. If those mortals can, then why can't I? They call me the epitome of tolerance. I promise I won't ever let my anxieties escape the bleak abyss of my heart. You can trust it to be deep enough to withhold all that befalls upon it. I don't have the luxury to feel or act feeble as there are people who depend upon me. I symbolize strength and resilience for them.

*The thunder grows louder and deeper this time*

Dharini: Go away! You are not obliged to be here. You are infamous for your free-will and vagrancy, while I am the paragon of stability. It was foolish of me to think that I could bind a rover like you. Yes, I have no one else to blame but my puerility. I should have known better than expecting from you. This is not the first time you have failed me. How could I forget that expectations have always paved way for misery and nothing else.

*The sky sprinkles a handful of transparent pearls that produce an ethereal fragrance as soon as they hit the ground. There are crazy flashes of lightning in the ashen sky.The thunder only grows deeper and deeper.*

Dharini: Don't you dare to utter my name, Ghanshyam. You have no business to scare me with that thunderous voice of yours. These ventose gambits of yours fail to have any impact on me. Better save them for someone else.

*The mild showers turn into a gushy downpour*

Dharini: Do not touch me! I said, stay away from me. Do not impinge on my pristine premises. I don’t need you. You were not here when I needed you the most. I endured those two blistering months of Vaishakh and Jeth all by myself, while you were cavorting with others elsewhere. I don’t want your consolation, for I know it’s but a sham. Don’t doubt my resilience and strength. Move away. Step back!

 *The momentum and the rhythm of the downpour refuses to abate and escalates by each passing second*

She gets completely drenched; not even an inch of her body is left dry. She gets sated to the core. The gushing rains pelting down washed away the tears of melancholy from her face. She was instantly rejuvenated. Unlike degeneration, the instauration was quick.  She was left quenched and drenched albeit by force. It’s hard to say whether she liked it or not. But one could see her wearing a mild abashed smile.

**********************************************************************************
Today while coming back from the examination-center, I was fortunate to witness one of the most ethereal  moments that one can witness in a life time- the sight of first showers of monsoon kissing the parched ground. It's strange how despite of our plastic-fostered and shielded life styles, our bodies unwittingly vibrate in sync  with the frequency of nature and respond to it. In that moment of osmic ecstasy, everything around me went silent; I could hear nothing else save for the sound of the nascent raindrops descending from the sky splattering the expectant ground, and the bassy thunder. For those couple of seconds a vision flashed in my mind. This piece is an attempt to document whatever little I could remember of that surreal moment.

I felt as though the earth has taken the form of a gopi(Dharini) waiting for the arrival of her paramour-Ghanshyam(one who’s as dark as a rain-filled cloud). A gopi whose longing has accreted into anger. The hulking cluster of dark rain-filled clouds hovering above the earth appeared as if it were Krishna who had come to meet the gopi after ruthlessly making her wait  for a very long time.


तुम घन से घनश्याम मनोहर, गरज गरज अनत जाय बरसे  हो |
उमढ-घुमढ़  के  नेह  जनावत, कहूँ  लावत  सरसे  हो ||

झूठी-साँची   हमही  मिलावत,  औरन के जाय पग परसे हो |
'धौंधी' के  प्रभु  तुम  बहुनायक ,  सब  बातन  सरसे हो ||
(राग- सूहा , ताल-तेवडा)


                                                      

Sunday, 3 June 2012

Nostalgia

(This is a piece I wrote on 15th April 2012 at around 1:45 AM- the day which marked the centenary of the ill-fated voyage.)

 I am not much of a movie buff. I have a rather blasé attitude towards cinema.Cinema has never been something that fascinates me inordinately. I certainly do not wish to come across as a monastic soul who’s beyond such trivial pleasures of life, it’s just that I am not one of those who would watch a movie more than once, even if one appreciates it, or one who would hop to the cinema hall every other weekend to catch the latest flick . I am very choosy about the kind of cinema I watch. However, there are some movies which are extremely close to my heart, and the mere mention of their name evokes a surge of emotions in my mind. Titanic is one of them.

From the day I heard that the movie is about to make a comeback, that too in a 3-D avatar, I was as excited as a seven year old is about the arrival of his/her first bike. And despite having watched the movie countless times, the excitement and anticipation refused to abate.

The movie has the staple ingredients that usually entice me: romance and vintage grandeur set in the backdrop of a tragedy. But when I reflect upon my uncritical admiration for the movie I realise that it’s not always the content, the form or the technicalities of a particular movie or a song that make you go back to it over and over again, sometimes it’s the sentiments attached to it .

Titanic and I go long back. One of the reasons that it is (and will always be) close to my heart is that it makes me nostalgic about my childhood days spent in the city of Bombay. How many times have you actually had a “reason” to watch a movie or actually had an anecdote to narrate as to what compelled you to watch a movie? I have one, however puerile it may sound.

I was a sixth grader, barely ten years old. We had recently (and suddenly) relocated to Bombay, and I was admitted in one of the most posh schools of the city situated in a posh south Bombay locality.  Until then (and even now) I resided in a small east Delhi locality; I was brought up in the typical “Jamuna-paar” milieu, and was sent to a small time local school where the students and teachers thought it more apt to use our first language than the one imported from west. And all of a sudden I found myself surrounded by these snobbish English speaking kids who dwelled in the plush South Bombay apartments, and came from affluent families. Quite obviously, I was not readily assimilated.

As a child it was very difficult for me to deal with this stark transition.The teachers used English as a medium of teaching and communication; there used to be two recesses unlike my previous school where we used to have only one recess; the end of a lecture was signalled by the sound of  machine operated siren unlike my previous school where still the age-old method of manually ringing the bell  persisted; this new school was too far off from my residence; I had to practically change two buses to reach there as there was no bus route that would directly connect the place where I resided to the place where this new school was located as opposed to my previous school which  was just a stone throw away from my residence; the kids here liked and hummed the songs of Backstreet Boys and someone called Ricky Martin, who they said had become a rage at that time. The sense of getting uprooted from my familiar surroundings, having left behind my childhood friends, my school, my teachers, my neighbourhood and my city, compounded my discomfiture. This school was-the new school, interesting though, but not my school yet.

They used to hold a weekly General Knowledge quiz which was conducted by a very patronising teacher-Mrs Pawah. She was the colour of cottage cheese and must have been in her early sixties. She had small steel gray eyes, and wrinkles that parenthesized her mouth. She was a short and stout woman who wore a wig, and had a coarse voice. She had a habit of chewing aromatic pan-masaala. One could easily sniff and tell her presence. I remember being chided by her on the very first day of new school, for I entered her post-recess class late (in my defence, I could not figure out that the break was over as I was still used to the manual ringing of bell to signal the end of the break). The worst part was that I could not even figure out why she was hollering at me and what were the contents of the harangue (the medium of rebuking was English too :)). I just knew I was being scolded for some reason. I used to dread her and her class ever since.

The quiz used to be conducted every Wednesday. It was around the same time when Titanic had released and had set unprecedented records in terms of Box-Office collections. It had become the talk of the town. Everyone in the new class barring me had watched the movie and was going gaga about it.  I never cared to watch the movie because it was an ENGLISH movie, and English movies were not supposed to be watched with parents (if you know what I mean). And of course being a ten year old kid leaves you no option other than watching a movie with your parents.

It was one of those Wednesdays.

“You...yes you, third bench second row, stand up. Tell me what made the Titanic sink?” she enquired.

Until then I had no clue that Titanic was an actual historical catastrophe which had inspired the movie. So I was a little befuddled by this question being asked in a general knowledge quiz, but being awfully intimidated by her overbearing persona I could not dare to contest the pertinence of her question. 

“I don’t know, ma’am” I said meekly.

“What do you mean, I don’t know! Everyone knows it. I couldn’t have asked you a simpler question. I am disappointed in you” she said in her characteristic contemptuous voice.

“Ma’am,” I spoke mustering some courage after a few seconds of hesitation, “I have not watched the movie yet.”

There was a complete silence in the class. Everyone’s face turned towards me. I had learnt that I was not the only one who despised her; no one in the class particularly liked her. Hence no one dared to react lest she would chide them. To my surprise, after giving me a perplexed look for a couple of seconds, she burst out laughing. And the rest of class followed her lead. Her laughter was derisive. A wave of hilarity ran through the entire class. I was pretty confused as to what was happening. What was so risible about my honest confession that had every one in splits? A slightly sympathetic look on the face of the boy sitting next to me helped me figure out that I had said something stupid.

“Sit down, you!”She said dismissively.

That day I ran to my mother as soon as I reached home, and narrated the entire incident to her. I blamed her for all the jeering and humiliation I was subjected to, since she never had me watch Titanic despite the movie being so freakishly popular.
She wiped my tears and edified me about the historical importance and authenticity of the ill-fated event. At the same time she also promised me that she would accompany me to the movies.  

I was excited. This was my first English movie ever. Even though I have faint memories of watching a few popular sci-fi flicks such as Jurassic Park and Jumanji on the VHS tapes, this was my first one on the big screen. Mother, my sister and I reached Regal Cinema for an evening show. I can still recall the excitement multiplying with each passing second as I saw Regal Cinema nearing, through the front window of a double-decker B.E.S.T bus.

We finally found ourselves settled in the luxurious chairs of the elite Regal Cinema. The movie commenced. It’s funny how kids react. I would keep on entreating mother for translations of the dialogues in the movie (I was not pro at understanding the language let alone the accented version of it). I still distinctly remember perpetually prodding her during the entire first half asking, “When the hell would the ship sink?”
I was least interested in the beautiful moments that the movie showcased; all I was interested in was-what made the ship sink?

This was my first tryst with the celebrated movie. The movie will always be close to my heart, for it will always remind me of my naiveté; it brings back the memories of those innocent moments, those humiliating moments. That moment of awkwardness when Rose expresses her desire to get sketched wearing the pendant...only the pendant; the moment of uneasiness when I shifted in my chair while Rose pulled Jack from the driving seat to the rear part of the car where they had their first and last sensual congress. My understanding of the movie was very rudimentary. As far as I can remember I had liked the movie. I think it must have been the mesmerising beauty of Rose, her wavy auburn hair or the playfulness of Jack. I can’t actually cite with certitude what I liked about the movie back then but I remember that I liked it.  The haunting theme music had definitely caught my fancy. The soulful and haunting voice of Sissel lingered on.

The second time I watched the movie was with first ever crush of my life. By then I had had a little more time to reflect on the romantic saga that was interwoven with the cataclysm. No, it was not a romantic affair at all. It was merely a social outing and we were in a group. But I still remember looking at that person’s face in the filtered light of the cinema screen from the corner of my eyes. I remember my desire to hold that person’s hands while watching Jack and Rose assuming the epic pose and locking their lips in the backdrop of limitless Atlantic Ocean and the infinite orange hued sky. It was my first crush; it happened when I was completely oblivious to carnal instincts of any sorts. I was too young to understand that the feelings I had, were suppose to be called romantic feelings. For me it was a special attraction, an inexplicable attraction. I just knew I wanted to be around that person perhaps for my entire life, and I was naive enough to believe that things might work out. It is this innocence of mine that the movie reminds me of.

Although later it turned out that the person was not least bit worth of having any kinds of feelings for, even till today that person’s face resurfaces in my dreams however hard I try to scramble my memories of that person. The theme song of the movie invariably reminds me of the time I spent with that person and my imbecile liking for that person.

I wanted to relive all those moments. Hence as soon as the rehash of the movie was announced I had made up my mind that I wanted to watch it and relive those nostalgic moments with Jack and Rose (yes you may call me mawkish). Even today after having watched the movie umpteen times I observed things that I did not observe the last time I had watched it. It occurred to me that I still find Rose as bewitching as ever. I loved her auburn locks even more. I still love the vulnerability of Jack’s character and air of artlessness about him. My heart still skips a beat when Rose’s leg slips off the ship’s stern.

 I still enjoy the clumsiness and awkwardness of Jack when he sees Rose bare bodied for the first time. I can still feel the tremble in Jack’s body and the suppleness of Rose’s moist body after their first sexual congress.The conviction with which Rose pronounces her full name, "Dawson...Rose Dawson", after being rescued, still impresses me. I still nod my head undetectably when elderly Rose claims that a woman’s heart is deeper than the ocean.

  I love the streaks of levity in the otherwise grave setting of the movie. I still smile when the elderly Rose contemplates herself in the salvaged hand-mirror of hers and remarks how it is still the same as she had seen it last, just the reflection has changed. In fact, going slightly off at a metaphysical tangent, the stark contrast between the wizened face and withered body of Gloria Stuart(elderly Rose) and the flawless beauty of Kate Winslet(young Rose) reminds me of the fact that pulchritude is transient.It reminds me that however advanced and mighty man assumes himself to be, he is always feeble in the front of nature and destiny. It reminds me of the fact that there is nothing that is not perishable; even the most beautiful things wither; even the unsinkable might sink.  It gives me a faint idea of how it feels when death tumefies and assumes monstrous proportions, and stares you right in the eye.

This time, I had thought that I would watch it someone really special to add another memory to cherish in the future but could not manage to find a suitable prospect. Some friends were kind to offer their gracious presence but I chose to avoid company and relish those moments all by myself.

It is not always the story of a movie that attracts you to it, sometimes the stories of your own life which get woven with a movie or a song make it very close to your heart. Titanic is one of such very few movies that I will always cherish.
I derive an uncanny thrill when I realise that as I write these concluding lines, the unfortunate tragedy completes its centenary. It was this very date and time exactly hundred years back when the Atlantic decided to feast on one of the most magnificent and robust man made marvel ever set afloat and over fifteen hundred lives served as accompaniments. 



Sunday, 27 May 2012

Sandhi


Padmagandha

HAVING spent its stock of heat and light for the day, the sun had come to look like a ripe and exotic fruit. Worn out and mellow, it was drifting toward the horizon inch by inch, breath by breath.   
Sridhar, the court-singer, saw this as the appropriate time to begin his late evening routine. Yaman was the chosen raag.  

The sound of Yaman reached the antarpur where it met with the earthy aroma of dhoop to fuse into a heady mix permeating every corner of the royal chamber. Each taan of the silken rendition fuelled the fire of separation blazing in Padmagandha’s heart.

Aniruddh’s parting message echoed in her head: “I shall be back on the seventh full moon night of the year; wait for me till then; I am leaving the kingdom in your charge. Look after it.”
She looked out of the jharokha, into the rusty sky festooned with motley of birds returning to their abodes. A faint smile lit up her face as she observed the placid dusk.

The deep orange canvas soon got wiped off and was now painted black by the night that had established its dominance over the sky by now. Moon glowed and gloated in the fold of night dark and young. Playfully, the rays of moon sneaked in through the jharokha and struck the round and colossal mirror placed above the shringar-khand. The moonlit reflection bathed the entire regal chamber in its argentine effulgence.

Padmagandha sat on the small pedestal assuming a comfortable posture in front of the mirror. The reflection of moonlight incident on her face added to its radiance.

Her complexion was like that of molten gold and her beauty, not of this world. She swept her long serpentine locks on her right shoulder, and wore a tantalizing smile on her face, as though to flirt with herself on His behalf.

She dropped the shapeless drape that she was wrapped in, and observed her undressed self in the mirror for a moment or two. Then she began to massage her supple body with the aromatic oils; her hands worked swiftly on every curve of her body. Carefully, she picked up the golden cup containing fragrant paste of Kesar and Kasturi, and smeared the paste on her arms and legs.

This was followed by sketching ashtadal-padma, eight petal lotus, on each of her firm and perfectly hemispherical breasts using fine kumkum powder.

Then she grabbed a silk kanchuki and tied the piece of cloth around her assets. She slipped into a vibrant orange lehnga with utmost ease. She tucked one end of the maroon odhni in the waist and wrapped it around her torso, leaving the other end dangling lose on her right shoulder. 

She placed the jewel studded teeka in the rift of her perfectly parted tresses. The pearl string of the teeka appeared as if it were a file of white swans flying against the backdrop of black, rain-filled clouds. She coiled her hair and held it in a bun with the help of a chuda-mani, and wrapped a gajra around the bun. She then accentuated her big, doe-like eyes using thick mascara. She adorned her ears with a pair of lolak-bandi whose lower half swayed in tandem with her rosy cheeks and whose upper half was set in tandem with her forehead and then faded in the black of her hair.

She put on a big, round nose-ring which dangled in her right nostril feathered by the warmth of her breath. To add the finishing stroke on a portraiture masterpiece, she put a small dapple of kajal on her chin.

Her restless glance ran over the plethora of ornaments lying in front of her. She would pick one after the other, study it, judge it, view herself in the mirror pretending to wear it; and then make a benign selection or a cruel rejection.

Chandan haar and Chandra haar were the chosen ones. From the intricate kardhani that adorned her sculpted waist, to the sonorous payal that encircled her ankles, every ornament was deliberated upon and tried at least twice before it earned its place on her marmoreal body.

Before she could even observe her ornamented self to heart’s content in the mirror, she heard the conches being blown, cymbals jangling, drums thundering, and horns tooting.

Was He here already? Has the moment finally come?

**************


Aniruddh

WITH a flourish Aniruddh entered the antarpur. He stood tall and robust. He had broad shoulders and long arms that reached his knees. His dusky complexion was comparable to that of a rain-filled cloud. His forehead was scattered with curly locks that escaped the arrest of the crimson turban tied around his head. The peacock feather tucked in the turban was billowing in the mild breeze. His well defined jaw-line was complemented by a slender nose. The irresistibility of his face was aggrandized by a wry smile. His lotus-petal-like eyes were set on her radiant face. His robust physicality seemed to guard the vulnerability and juvenility of his adorable face that rested on his shapely neck.  
A pale yellow silk uparna was wrapped around his broad chest. His lower body was wrapped in a meticulously pleated dhoti that concealed and revealed, at once, the shapely contours of his thighs and legs. The flower petals that had been showered upon him by the joyous people of his kingdom and by the minstrels, who had sung his praises, still clung to his clothes.

**************
Padmagandha & Aniruddh 
 SHE was weighing her beauty in the mirror when she caught a glimpse of Aniruddh standing at the door of the antarpur. Her heart must have skipped a beat or two. Although this was one vision she was living to see, she closed her eyes.  It was one of those moments when all your wishes and desires miraculously materialize and present themselves before you, and you are in a state of denial for you don’t believe in the benevolence of life and presume it to be a deception. Slowly, she opened her eyes. Their eyes met circuitously through the mirror. He had not moved. With his arms crossed, He was leaning on a pillar that was adorned with intricate carvings. Overwhelmed with elation and the fear of blighting her own fortune, Padmagandha shut her eyes yet again.  

Shreedhar began the aalap in Kedar which seemed to placate her anguish.

Letting out a sigh, she stood up. As much as she wanted to run towards him, embrace him and arrest him in her arms, she realized she could not move. She stood still. The exhilaration of seeing her beloved after ages of yearning seemed to have transformed into physical inertia.

Sensing her inertia he walked towards her, and stood in tandem with her. He leaned over, and in her ears he whispered:”Padmagandha! I am here. Won’t you welcome me?”

Never before had her name sounded as sweet as it did that night. Her eyes welled up and a tear rolled down her cheek. Her love for him had assumed a form close to reverence. Betrayed by speech, she fell at his feet. He bent swiftly and planted a kiss on her fragrant forehead, and wrapped her in a wordless embrace.

After some overwhelmed moments, he released her. He then lifted her chin and observed her radiant face. Tears washed down her rose tinted cheeks.

He wiped her tears with his uparna as gently as possible.

“Stop crying now. I am here, in your arrest, in your service....your highness.”
She couldn’t resist smiling hearing him addressing her thus. Immediately she tried to conceal the smile and grimaced. She moved away from him and turned her back to him.

“I shall not speak with you. You have lost all rights to speak to me. Do you have any idea what could have happened had you not come tonight? Every night I would preen myself waiting for your arrival and take off all the ornamentation the next morning, and with the ornamentation I would also give up the hope of living. But then I could not give up living too, for you had entrusted me with the responsibility of the throne. How could you be so ruthless, Aarya?”  

As she sat turning her back to him and cursing every second that passed bereft of his sight, she felt a sensation of touch in her feet.

“I plead guilty. I am your culprit. You can punish me the way you want, but please do not be so harsh on me. Please speak to me. Those roaring cannons on the war front were not as thunderous as your silence. I could readily bear the pain of those sharp arrows digging my chest but not your separation...not anymore. Speak to me in harshest of language. But please you speak to me. Or.... I might just di—“

Before Anirudhha could finish his statement, she swirled and placed her hand over his mouth.

“Never should you utter such words again. Never!” she said in a voice both firm and anxious.
They both leaned. They were face to face, brow to brow, nose to nose and lips to lips. What followed felt like the first shower of rain which brings a respite from a scorching spell of summer— summer of longing and separation.
**************


SHE was now in a better command of herself. Holding him by his arm, she took him to the luxuriant bed that was furnished with brocade covered bolsters and pillows of all shapes and sizes—a sweet smell of freshly sprinkled gulab-jal emanated from them. Aniruddh was made to sit.

Padmagandha scurried away and brought back with herself handful of mixture of salt and mustard seeds that she had prepared in advance. She stood facing him and started drawing small, intersecting vertical circles in the air with her fists, muttering some inaudible chants. He observed her antics as a mute spectator.

“What was this for?” he asked, after she was done.

“To ward off all the evil that you might have fetched from the war front,” she replied.

“Please, drink this concoction of Bela and Chandan. It will soothe your frayed nerves,” she said extending a silver goblet filled with fragrant juice.

“I already partook what can actually soothe me, and you left me longing for more,” said he with a playful smile and gleam of mischief in his eyes.

Coyly, she turned her face away. ”Have it,she said.

While he sat on the edge of the bed taking small sips of the sweet concoction, she sat near his feet on the carpeted floor leaning against the bed; her head rested on her right arm; she was observing the souvenirs Aniruddh had fetched from the war front: the wounds that adorned his body and wrenched her heart.

 “How cruel can they get,” she said softly, gently brushing one of the lesions that sat on his robust chest.

“Hunger for wealth, sex and power clouds the intellect of even the wisest people, Padmagandha. Men turn into blood thirsty vampires on the war front. Cries of pain and anxiety get easily diluted in the thunder of cannons and trumpets of elephants. Along with blood, the soil on the war front also soaks compassion. The clouds of dust also becloud humanity. Abominable as it is, unfortunately, war becomes the indispensable last resort sometimes,” he said wistfully.

 “But I am glad that our ambassadors finally persuaded Kaivalya, the king of Jaigarh, to cease the war and to ratify the peace treaty— shanti-sandhi between Jaigarh and Chandrapore,” said he.

“I am glad too, Aarya. So is every soul in the kingdom. I would have been gladder still, had the sandhi been signed earlier. Enough destruction has ensued already,” she said.

“I am grateful to you, Padmagandha. The way you governed the kingdom in my absence is commendable. The messenger told me about your ferocious combat with the subversive minister, Vyom,” he said.

“I am not too proud of it, Aarya. But Vyom left me with no other choice. My sword could not settle for anything less than his head for the heinous atrocities he perpetrated against the female war refugees. Disrespect for women is one of the few things that make my blood boil. I may have still forgiven him for bilking innocent people, but not for his ghastly act of raping helpless women,she said contemplating arabesque motifs embroidered on the bed-cover. Padmagandha, too, was a warrior princess—a kshatraani.

“You should not feel guilty, my love. The punishment served him well. Atrocities on women and looting pilgrims are not venial offenses. And then he dared to wage an attack on you! Traitor!”

As a ruler,” he added after a moment of deliberation, ”one has to take actions which might not be sanctioned by their conscience, but become unavoidable;  sometimes it’s about setting a precedent which would deter miscreants such as Vyom to commit such felony in the future. Had you not done it, I would have. My fury knows no bounds when I think of his actions and his audacity to wage an attack on you,” he said. Padmagandha could sense tension in Aniruddh’s facial muscles—his teeth were clenched.  

“Relax, you know I am perfectly capable of defending myself. Like kumkum, blood is also a shringaar for a kshatrani.” Padmagandha held his right hand in hers and pressed it softly.

“I don’t want you think of those macabre tales now. It’s all in the past,” she said dismissively as she took away the empty goblet from his hand.”

“Do you know, Aarya, apart from treaty, what else does the word ‘sandhi’ mean?

He could clearly sense the shift in her tone from pensive to a frivolous one. 

“No, I don’t. Enlighten me,” he said naively.

She rose up and fetched the paan-dan. She opened the elaborate box and took out the contents one by one. She slathered kattha on a betel leaf, put some gulkand, cardamom cloves, some slices of supari on it, and neatly folded it forming a small cone.

“Didn’t you read your grammar well?”

“Don’t speak in riddles, Padmagandha,” he feigned irritation.

She studied his face for couple of seconds, and giggled. “You may be a good warrior, mahabali, but you are a clumsy actor”. She leaned over him tantalizingly and offered him the paan.

Sandhi, also means ‘union’. In grammar it means the union of two syllables. It also means intersection. The twilight is also called ‘sandhya’, because it is the intersection of day and the night. 

It also means the common side of double triangles. It means the space where the sky arches to touch the earth. It means the congress of two existences.”

Saying so, she walked away from him and glanced invitingly at him from over her shoulders.

**************


SHE stood by the jharokha where a cool draft of air greeted her. Aniruddh rose and followed her. He stood behind her and hedged her in his long arms; he placed his face on her right shoulder. She had heard that the stars are responsible for serendipitous gifts from life; she gazed at them with eyes brimming with gratitude.

Instinctively they looked at each other and smiled. In that moment of absolute calm the only sounds that could be heard were those of the rhythm of their own heart beats and the susurration of the cool breeze rushing past their ears. Their eyes spoke a language grammered by their love and punctuated by their heartbeats—a language that knew no words and yet spoke volumes. Padmagandha’s inhibition was slowly melting away in the warmth of their breaths.

From one and other they shifted their gaze to the lucent moon hanging in endless expanse of the inky sky. She secretly prayed to the moon not to travel westwards that night. If not in compliance with her prayers then, perhaps, dazzled by her beauty, the moon did seem to become comatose.  

He tightened his arrest around her body.

Mahabaho...” a muffled sound escaped from her parted lips.

She freed herself from his arrest and escaped.
Then began the playful sport of chasing. They went in circles about the sprawling bed, and hurried past the carved pillars. He moved about like a lion determined yet majestic, and, she, like a frisky doe, scurried through the extravagantly spacious regal chambers. Soon her pace retarded as she found it difficult to lug her assets. Tiny beads of perspiration surfaced on her radiant face as does morning dew on a lotus.

 Like a tactful beast who instinctively knows the most opportune moment to swipe at its prey, Aniruddh too, noticing her exhaustion caught hold of the loose end of her odhni, wrenched it and then stripped it off. Soon she was in the arrest of his sturdy arms again; she wriggled; he persisted; she yielded. She revelled in the subjugation.

There was something intoxicating in the milieu that night. She was trying hard to figure out what. Was it the cool breeze infused with fragrance of the seasonal flora? Was it the effulgence of full moon that silvered antarpur, the regal chamber? Was it the mellifluous rendition of Kedar in the backdrop? Was it the aroma of dhoop permeating the antarpur? Was it his cardamom-tinted, warm breath incident on her neck? Was it his dusky complexion? Was it his adorable face punctuated by the curly locks scattered across his forehead? Or was it the musk emanating from his body?

**************

  PADMAGANDHA was a perfect amalgamation of feminine poise and feral proclivity. And her charm rested in her adeptness in knowing exactly when to bring out which instinct, and in what proportion.

This time she took the lead, and planted a deep and torrid kiss on his lips. She divested Aniruddh of his apparels unveiling his treasure trail that germinated somewhere below his navel, rose upwards, and branched out on his chest. Aniruddh was now standing bare and vulnerable. His muscles throbbed with desire. Observing him, she breathed in awe. She admired him like one admires a painting.

Unable bear any further delay, Aniruddh moved forward and tugged the drawstring of Padmagandha’s lehnga. Her lehnga slid smoothly and hit the floor in a jiffy. He untied the knot of her kanchuki which then joined the lehnga lying on the floor and formed a colourful puddle. Now she was clad only in her ornaments.

He pecked the nape of her neck and plucked the chuda-mani, that had held her hair in a bun, letting loose her runny and long black tresses. The lustrous waves of her black hair descending on her fair back appeared as darkness of night descending on a snow covered mountain peak.  Her locks were redolent with mild fragrance borrowed from the mogra flowers that were now lying scattered all around her on the floor.

She walked away from him, and assumed the tribhang posture. She looked nothing less than an impeccably carved sculpture. She was voluptuous, and the tribhang was delineating her curves—curves as smooth and seamless as the taans of Jaijaivanti. She was seduction personified. To his wishful gaze, she looked like Rati— the Goddess of lust.

Her eyes were lowered to the ground. Her eyelids bore the inhibition innate to a woman. His glance bathed her in warmth. Her senses were in anticipation of the imminent union. He gently moved forward and swept her into kiss. She wrapped herself around his robust body as a creeper entwines a tree.

He picked her up in his arms, and headed toward the bed. She had never felt so wanted; she revelled in that moment of surrender. She arched in his arms, threw her head back, let her long, black hair flow and raised one of her legs.  He gently dropped her on the bed, and walked back a few steps to absorb and marvel at her beauty.

His self-restraint was evaporating at the same rate as was her inhibition with every passing second. 

He wanted to augment her desire to a state where the flames of desire would consume every other emotion of her. She ached in longing. Like a ferocious tigress, Padmagandha rose on her knees and stretched her arms beckoning him to come closer. When he did, she scratched his chest with her nails, etching an imprint of their passion. Aniruddh avenged this move by nibbling at her nether lip and twisting her wrist gently.

He then sat on the bed beside her, and started taking off the intricate ornamentation one by one. When the only thing that was left on her supple body was the pearl necklace, he kissed her once more. While kissing her passionately, he clenched the string of pearls which could not bear the force and snapped, scattering the pearls in every possible direction.

He cupped her hemispherical assets in his hands and began kneading them; she let out a moan that sent the blood pounding in his veins.

She wiggled and snapped away. She then reached out to the paan-daan and produced a paan she had prepared earlier. She brandished the pointed end of the paan tantalizingly, whose other half she had held in her teeth encased in her seductive pout. Aniruddh leaned forward and bit off the upper half of the paan from her mouth. They chewed their respective portions, smiling at each other. Their lips were suffused with the red hue lent by the ­paan. In the following kiss there was an exchange of quid and love.

They now held each other in firm embrace. She felt his hardness expanding against her silky opening. Her body arched against his. Her eyes were smoky, brimming with love and passion. “O Dhumra-lochana!” he exclaimed.

“May I, your highness?”

She gave an approving nod and closed her eyes.

He thrust himself into her, trying to be as gentle as possible, and remained there for a minute. He waited her body to expand and encompass his manhood. She was touched by his consideration and concern. She clasped the handful of the satin sheet as she moaned with bitter-sweet pleasure.

In that moment of pain and ecstasy the adorable face of Anirudhh criss-crossed in front of her eyes a zillion times. There was the face of the man she had loved with all her heart and soul; the man who had loved her with all his heart and soul. She had never felt more complete.

The rhythm of their love making was gaining pace and amplifying second by second. A film of sweat had glazed their bodies by now. The closeness that had brought them so close, too, did not seem close enough. They actually wished to coalesce into one form wherein the distinction of identities ceased. Despite trying hard, they realised they were incapable of it. Padmagandha had wrapped Aniruddh’s lower body between her legs, and she tightened the arrest with every thrust. Her heart pounded hard against her chest. His grunts harmonised with her moans.  

Then there was a sudden moment wherein everything went quiet—absolutely calm. She dug her nails in his back and clasped it. He collapsed on her like a wounded warrior falls helplessly on the battle field— instead of bleeding he was sweating profusely.

He looked the most vulnerable in that moment of surrender and exhaustion. She held his head in her hands and pressed it against her bosom and kissed his forehead. He returned the favour by pecking the tip of her nose, and placed his chin on her moist lips. Absorbing the heat emanating from the other’s body, they remained in embrace few moments before drifting into sleep...

The last traces of the propitious night were slowly fading away; the night had done its duty. Sun poured in the antarpur through the jharokha. Padmagandha’s body shone like molten gold in the incident sunlight. Perturbed by the sun’s audacious attempt to kiss her in places where Aniruddh had kissed her the night before, she awoke and swaddled herself in his uparna. Careful not to disturb his sleep, she ruffled his wavy hair and gently kissed his forehead. His scent still lingered on her body.

She rose and walked up to the jahrokha to observe the delights of the new morning. The twitter of the birds seemed to invite her so that they may congratulate her. She stood by the jharokha and looked out of it. Chandrapore was waking up to the new dawn.

Suddenly she heard someone’s foot-steps in the hallway. Before she could even react, she saw the door of one of the three arches of the antarpur opening with a creaking sound.
**************



THIS way sahib,” Dipin, the teenaged bellboy unbolted the antique door, “this would be your royal suite,” he said indicating the royal suite as he welcomed the old English couple inside.   

Mr Blake and his wife entered the room gingerly, and observed the royal interiors.

“Splendid!” exclaimed Mrs Blake.

“Is there anything else you would require, sahib?” asked Dipin.

“No, nothing for the time being, thank you. We would let you know in case we do,” said Mr Blake, and handed a crisp Rs 100 bill to Dipin.

“It’s a pleasure having you here, sahib. You are very kind.”

The couple smiled graciously.

Just when Dipin was about to make an exit, Mrs Blake called out to him.

“Excuse me! Before you leave, do you mind telling us who is this gorgeous lady standing by the window there?” she asked pointing towards Padmagandha.

“She is gorgeous indeed! I’ve never set eyes on a prettier woman,” Mr Blake added. “And this man next to her, is he her husband?”

Dipin turned around, his eyes darted to Padmagandha and Aniruddh. He studied both of them thoughtfully for a few seconds before he spoke.

“Yes sir, they are—I mean—they were a couple. This is the portrait of her highness maharani Padmagandha, the queen of Chandrapore. And the other portrait hanging right next to hers depicts his highness maharaj Aniruddh, her husband and the king of ancient kingdom of Chandrapore.”

The English couple returned a bemused look.

“Oh! Didn’t the local guide tell you? This city was earlier a province of the kingdom called Chandrapore. It was ruled by Maharaj Aniruddh and his wife. Theirs was a tragic love story. They were childhood lovers who finally got married. But on the first night after their marriage, the city was attacked by the king of the neighbouring kingdom which was then known as Jaigarh and was ruled by a wicked king called Kaivalya. Maharaj Aniruddh had to leave his newly wedded wife, and head for the battlefield; but he had promised Padmagandha that he would anyhow return on the seventh full moon night. Maharaj Aniruddh was a peace loving king; he wanted to avert the battle, and thus persuaded the king of Jaigarh to call off the war and sign a treaty. Kaivalya even ratified the treaty and truce was announced.

The virtuous and victorious king was on his way back to his kingdom where his newly-wed wife was fervently waiting was his arrival when the wicked king Kaivalya killed him by treacherous means. But what was stupefying was that, it is said, the king’s body had mysteriously disappeared from the enemy camp.

The message of King’s death reached Chandrapore on the seventh full moon night. No one dared to break the unfortunate news to Padmagandha, imagining and fearing her agony. However, on the following morning some family members and ministers mustered the courage to disclose the news, and reached the queens antarpur, her personal chamber, where she was waiting for Aniruddh. But for some reason, despite much bellowing and knocking, she would not open the door. Finally they had to crash the door, only to find her nowhere in the antarpur. She just vanished into thin air. She was never seen again. There have been a lot of speculations about whatever transpired that night, but the fact of the matter is that no one has been able to solve the puzzle yet. It’s all a mystery. Every child from our village knows the story by heart. I am amazed no one told you yet. They say that this is the personal chamber of queen Padmagandha—this very suite, sahib.”

The English couple was listening to the occult lore in silent wonderment.

“In fact the local people say that on every full moon night—”

“Dipin! Let the guests get some rest. They must be tired. They have come from a far away land,” Mr Singh interrupted. “Regale them with your stories later, boy.”  

Mr Singh was a sexagenarian janitor at the Chandramahal—a palace that had now been converted into a luxury hotel. He was passing by the hallway when he had overheard Dipin rambling about the tragic love story. “You must go now. Manager sir has been looking for you. Run!” he said dismissively.

 “I am sorry for the inconvenience, sir. These naive villagers, I tell you,” he said trying to sound earnest and faking a smile. “I am Deendayal Singh, senior care-taker and head of the house-keeping staff in the hotel,” he said, shaking hands with Mr Blake.

“May I get you something?”

“No, thank you. We are good. Pleased to meet you, Mr Singh,” said Mr Blake. Mrs Blake smiled and nodded her head.

“I would get you some herbal tea, to help you unwind. You must be very tired,” Mr Singh said.

“Thank you. That would be lovely,” returned Mrs Blake.

Mr Singh adjusted the spectacles, that perched on his nose, one final time, and through them he looked at the colossal portraits of Padmagandha and Aniruddh hanging on the wall for a few seconds before making an exit— leaving both the couples alone.  

He found Dipin standing in the hallway waiting for him.

“What are you doing here, boy?”

“I just checked, Manager sir wasn’t looking for me. Why did you cut me short?” said Dipin.
Mr Singh sighed. “You should know better than to chase away our guests with your stupid stories, Dipin,” he said, in a shaky voice.

“But, sir, you do know they are not merely stories.”

“Dipin, I’ve been working here for past 45 years now. One thing you must know, my boy: the palace doesn’t like its secrets to be revealed to strangers. Not everything needs to be told. You’ll learn the ways of the palace in good time, silly boy,” he said patting Dipin on his shoulders.

There was a glint of enigma in his cold, gray eyes. “Now, let’s go there’s a lot of work that needs our attention.”  

“Darling, do you have any idea where have these pearls come from?” They overheard Mrs Blake as they walked away.
   

********************************************************************************
Glossary:
Dhoop:Aromatic incense
Jharokha: Window like opening on the walls of palaces.
Taan: (musical)Chord
Kesar:Saffron
Kasturi:Musk
Ashtadal Padma: Eight petaled lotus
Kumkum:Fine red pigmented powder
Teeka: An ornament worn on the head by women
Gajra: string of flowers
Kardhani: Cummerband; An ornament worn on the waist
Payal: Anklets
Uparna: Sash like garment for upper body              
Kshatrani: The female equivalent of Kshatriya- a warrior.
Darpan: Mirror
Veena: A string instrument usually seen in the hands of Goddess Saraswati
Paan-daan: A container in which paans(betel leaf) are kept
Katthha, gulkand,supari: Some fragrant substances used to make paan.
Mahabali: The powerful one
Mahabhau: The mighty armed
Kanchuki: A blouse like garment
Lehnga: A skirt like garment
Odhni: A sash like garment
Chandra-haar, Chandan-haar: Special kinds of necklaces worn by Indian women.
Nath: Nose ring
Lolak-Bandi: A kind of ornament worn in ears; Its lower half covers the entire ear parallel to cheek and the upper pearl string is pinned to the hair on the head
Chudamani: An ornament worn in the hair, something similar to the modern day hair clip.
Bela: A kind of fruit.
Chandan: Sandalwood
Mogra: A special kind of flower.
Tribhang: A posture assumed by dancers in wherein the body is bent from three sides.
Dhumra-Lochana: One whose eyes are smoky.
Raag Yaman,Kedar: Different ragas in the Hindustani classical music.