Thursday, 29 August 2013

P.S. I Miss You

I envy the madness
That grips your lovers,
The mirth that throbs
In every fibre of their being
When they hear your name,
The ceaseless ecstasy that
Oozes out from their bodies
In form of sweat
When they dance to your chants.

They have different faces, colours
And shapes
But one identity—
Your servants—eternally and joyously.
Everything else is
False.
Everything else is
Binding.
Everything else is
Poison.

 The nectar of your love
Flowing in their veins
Surges upon being invoked
By your names.
The blissful frenzy
Augments
With each passing moment

It is potent and alive—
Yes, it has a life of its own—
Looking alertly for stoic souls
To stir and consume.

The ingenuous prey
Is caught unawares.
It all starts with
Shake of a limb.
Then the body quakes
Then tongue utters
Your name...

And the battle is lost.
You then smile
At the helpless soul
For now it has lost control
Over itself.


It is that helplessness
That I yearn.
It is much better
Than the one
That I feel now.

What would it take
To resurrect that naiveté?
Where did I lose it?
And when?

It is on nights
Such as this
That the loss stings.
And it stings hard.

There goes no day
When I don’t think of you.
For some you are a part
Of life;
For me you were
My life.

Why did you then, O love!
Go mute
On questions I asked?
Why did you then
Withdraw when I needed
You the most?

Was it one of your many ploys?
Was I just one of your many toys?
Who’s to be blamed, you or I?
I cannot say.
Have you pushed me farther away?
Or pulled me closer
To You?
To The Truth?
I cannot say.

We may’ve grown estranged;
We may’ve grown apart;
I can’t but admit though
“Thou art my art”

PS: I miss you.

   

Thursday, 15 August 2013

Express Yourself...

Sometimes I wonder how aptly this punch line of a telecom service provider fits our Indian life-style. Let's face it: we are inherently so effusive and expressive that at times we even forget that what might appear to us as a natural outburst of emotions might be the cause of utter consternation to the others.

We’ve all been through been through the agony of being stuck in a traffic-jams caused by the pompous baraats (wedding processions), wherein bunch of heavily decked ladies, who refuse to go easy on the jewellery and jazzy saaris despite the hot and humid tropical climate of ours, and a bunch of over-zealous men, whose dance steps even a Hrithik Roshan cannot match up to, blithely make merry all the way without caring a damn about all the chaos they are creating for the other passers-by. They keep on coaxing the other equally garishly dressed spectators to join them and add to this pool of crazy dancers as they claim the streets and roads reveling in presupposed marital-bliss of the soon-to-be couple.

What about the characteristic Indian burp that is discerned to be the ultimate marker of a satiated tummy? Let me warn you: if you do not follow this ritual of ceremonial burping then the host might pile up your plate with additional pooris and matar-paneer saying, “aap toh kuch khatey hi nahi!“. Yes, burping and spitting are our birth-rights and we will exercise them to the fullest.

It is said God can  intercept your deepest thoughts and prayers even if you do not articulate them. Huh? What nonsense? We Indians are far from being subtle. We do not like the idea of one-on-one conversations with the divine. We would rather make it a conference call and force everyone to join. What do you mean you don’t want to? Who cares? How can God hear us if we don’t croon using microphones (how I wish the quality was Dolby surround sound)? The jag-raatas are our answers to all-night parties. Of course the Goddess loves the kitschy Bollywood numbers. Why else would we decide to set holy lyrics to Pritam's and Anu Malik's tunes (whose originality in turn is equally dubious). So what if you have three mosques in the same locality? It's the right of all three mosques to inform the people about the time to pray. What, the sounds from all three mosques are overlapping making it cacophonic? So what? Deal with it! Each imam is accountable to the God for his own mosque after all.

Try and compare the eloquently mourning aunties at our condolence ceremonies, who I can bet barely know the deceased, but will wear the most melancholy expressions on their faces as if the person who passed away was dearest to them, with the placid condolence ceremonies of the west, where even the most bereaved of the family members appear gathered and composed and meticulously “suited up”  (as Barney would say).

All these situations and many more, essentially highlight our proclivity of being able to express ourselves without any restraints. It can be befuddling, annoying or amusing, but it is certainly and deeply Indian. So enjoy the madness of being an Indian and go out there and express yourself.... :)

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

A Pursuit Of Life and Death


What is life if not a string of natal travails,
For every second we’re born anew.
And every second we’re dying too.
Every moment the circle of life and death prevails.

That spate of lives we live
In that final moment before we cease.
And those innumerable deaths that we die
While we are still on life’s lease.

What is life if not prolonged death.
So many deaths packed in one breath.
Every second we die as we live
Hoping to recoup what we give—
That precious, rare, and vital potion
Which rarefies with Time’s ceaseless motion.
Alas! Recovery is impossible.

Today I am what I never was,
I am what I never will be.
Every breath is anxious because
Tomorrow it may or may not be.

But what if the truth lies elsewhere?
What if Death is not as ghastly
 As it is made out to be?
What if that moment when life does finally freeze
Is indeed the moment of redemption, the moment of release?

                                                                  
                                                                       



Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Abhisaarika Naayika


Sharad In Vrindavan

The tyranny of a prolonged spell of summers had been long forgotten. The excesses of scorching months of Vyshaakh and Jyestha had been tempered and washed away by the gift that the month of Shraavan promises to bring along each year. Shraavan had never betrayed the people of Vrindavan since He was born. This year, too, it kept its word, and had been kind and generous.  

 It had been a month now since the rainy season set in. It was only intensifying with every passing day. Yamuna, flanked by lush and enlivened green lands on both sides, had swollen to almost twice its usual breadth, partly with water, partly with joy. The sounds of resonant bass of thunder accompanied by sounds of a cuckoo carolling here, a peacock yodelling there, leaves swaying in the mild and moist breeze, and the patter of the falling rain-drops permeated the air of Vrindavan. Each tree, each shrub, the lush grass, varnished and rain-rejuvenated, beamed as it looked up to the overcast sky. The thick clouds that tenanted the sky of Vrindavan seemed to convoke a wide variety of colourful and lissom birds out of their boughs and burrows. The fragrance of wet earth picked up and distributed generously by the blowing breeze heightened the sense of pleasure of the people of Vrindavan. Huddling around the Tamaal trees and swinging on them as the evening advanced, had become a part of the daily routine of the young damsels of Vrindavan. They would chatter, banter, and croon rain-songs under the shades of Tamaal trees as it drizzled. Such was the bliss that prevailed in land of Vraj during the rainy season!

****************************************************************************************

Shyama

 Alas! The month of Shraavan had left Shyama deeply grieved; for she had to spend it at her ailing maternal grandmother’s house in village of Raawal. But now Shraavan had come to an end, and so had the grandmother’s ailment. The month of Bhadrapad (the sixth month of Hindu calendar) had seen its new-moon; the grandmother had recuperated, which meant that Shyama was now free to return to her father’s place in Barsaana.

Her mirth was hard to conceal and contain, however hard she tried; it seeped and flashed on her glorious face rendering it flushed. More than a month had passed since She had seen Him. It seemed nothing less than an epoch to her. It was only the hope of seeing him at the end of this obligatory sojourn that kept her alive day after excruciating day.

Finally the much awaited day had come. She was now in Barsaana. Her joy was overflowing like the the tide of Yamuna, and was manifesting in every part of her body. Her girl friends had come to visit her and welcome her. They exchanged knowing smiles. Nothing was hidden from them after all. The day seemed too long to pass-- even the joshing could not keep Her mind from drifting to His thoughts. Her girl friends shook her pre-empting her pleasant train of reflections. She smiled a bashful smile, and waited eagerly for the night to descend.

Her prayers were answered. The sun had spent all of its daily stock of light, and had dipped behind the horizon. The sky had been sequestered by the scheming, rain-filled clouds which shared their hue with Him. Something only of a fine arc of the moon was visible. And soon a cluster of thick clouds which came wafting on the wind gobbled this celestial vestige. Entire Vraj was in the arrest of darkness—a perfect occasion for her to sneak out. It was as if the nature had colluded with her to grant her all that she had asked for.

The dark night sneaked in through the window of her bedroom and stood smiling in front of her.

“Sshhh...say not a word! Make haste. I won’t be here long. You cannot afford a second to waste. Dress up. He is waiting for you at Kusum Sarovar. Allow me to serve you. Allow me to be your alibi,” Yamini (the night) said.

She instantly knew what Yamini meant. She reached for her coffer and took out her black apparels.

“Will this work?” She asked.

“Perfectly,” said Yamini smiling.

She observed her black garments in the dim light of earthen lamp that graced the small niche carved on her bedroom wall. It seemed as though the garments had seized the darkness of the very night and soaked it. They would help her camouflage in this dark night of this wet and dark month of Bhadrapad.

Yamini assisted Her in slipping into the chosen apparels swiftly. She was clad in a black lehnga (long skirt) and her assets were held in a black choli (blouse). Her navel peeped through the gap between the upper edge of her lehnga and the lower edge of her black choli. Yamini stepped back and observed Shyama so dressed for a minute. The contrast between Shyama’s marmoreal complexion and the pitch black ensemble conjured beauty beyond expression. She realised how ineffectual all the poets hitherto have been in trying to describe Shyama’s beauty. She also pitied them, for no metaphor ever invented could even capture a sliver of Shyama’s beauty. How helpless the poets must feel. If only the nymphs could even come close to her resplendence. Each feature so perfectly aligned so as to evoke envy from beauty itself. The lock of hair carelessly swaying by her forehead was fit to be meditated upon for ages together. The thin and shapely waist could be the subject of many an epic. The doe-like restless eyes were meant to discompose the tranquillity of sages of highest order.

“You seem lost!” exclaimed Shyama.

“Your beauty knows no ruth, does it? “ asked Yamini upon being jolted out of her meditation.
Shyama smiled coyly. “Let us make haste, Yamini. I have yet to put on my ornaments. You do not want him to see me sans my ornaments, do you?”

The ornaments she chose were black, too.

She was now ready to venture out in this dark Bhadrapad-night. The clouds had started to thunder. The wind had begun to bluster. And her heart had begun to pound.

Yamini noticed the lines of anxiety crossing Shyama’s glorious visage. “What bothers you thus, Shyama?” she asked with a hint of concern in her voice.

“What if someone sees me, Yamini? Perhaps you do not know what kind of things people will say if they find about my nocturnal escapades,” replied Shyama.

“Since when did you start paying heed to the hearsay?” rejoined Yamini holding Shyama’s chin in her right hand.
“Hearsay and heresy are two things lovers are not meant to care about. “

It had begun to pelt outside.  Shyama peeped out through the window. It was pitch-dark save for flashes of lightning.

Anticipating Shayma’s apprehension, Yamini wrapped her in a black odhni.

“Now, you will be perfectly camouflaged. Do not unveil your face completely. Beware! “

“Why do you say so?” inquired Shyama.

“For the radiance of your face will give you away, O naive girl! Nothing in the world can conceal this luminous face which is more lambent than the moon itself. Pace your steps appropriately lest the tinkle of your anklets will awaken people,” returned Yamini.

“Should I do away with them altogether?”

“No, Shyama. They are much needed. It’s dark outside. There will be all kinds of beasts and snakes in the woods. The sound of the anklets will chase them away as you wade through the woods. Don’t take them out at any cost,” said Yamini authoritatively.

And just then their conversation was interrupted. Shyama suddenly looked startled

“What is wrong, Shyama?”

“Did not you hear that, Yamini? The sound of flute. His flute. Did not you hear that?”

Shyama returned a perplexed look, for the fact was that Yamini could not hear His flute. It was addressed only to
Shyama, and it was only she who could hear it.

The notes of Jaijaiwanti reached straight to her heart through her ears. The melody purloined her heart, and she had lost her control on herself. She was now a thrall to this divine sound emanating afar.  All the apprehensions and qualms were melting away. All her thoughts were only channelled in the direction from which this sound was coming.

“Shyama, is everything fine? I hear no sound!”

                                                         


Where was the time to reply. Shyama had already left. She ran through the dark and deserted alleys-- careful, not to awake anyone-- until she found herself in the forest. Now she breathed a sigh of relief. Yet she was restive, for she was still captivated by the sound of the flute. It was only the sound of his flute that was charting her path on that dark night, as nothing was visible beyond an arm’s length.  She was completely drenched from head to toe. Her clothes were dishevelled and ornaments disarrayed.  She did not care for once to stop and set them right. Her odhni had fallen where she did not even remember. The pace of her movements was so fierce that one of her anklets got dislodged. She remembered Yamini’s warning about deadly snakes and beasts, but the incantation of the flute was so powerful that Shyama was drawn  powerlessly to its origin; she could not have paused for a moment to reflect on the possible dangers.

She was driven by some sort of juggernaut crushing every fear, every misgiving which came along its way. Her heartbeat was racing with the flying time. The agony of separation was growing unbearable with every passing second.  The sound of heart thumping against her chest could be heard despite the unsuccessful attempts made by the roaring clouds hanging above her to overpower it. The night was certainly dark, but not as dark as the darkness of separation she had to bear from her beloved. And now it was to come to an end. A smile indicative of this anticipatory joy of her conjugal union illumined her face.

 At last the source of the sound was traced. He was now to be seen. The sight of her beloved revitalised her spirits. Every fibre of hers was throbbing with intense joy. Hearing the tinkling sound of her singular anklet, he opened his eyes. The sound of flute, which had unsettled and delighted her at once, finally ceased. Their eyes met. He smiled. Panting heavily, She stood there soaked both in water and his effulgence. It was one of those moments wherein words lose their meaning and purpose. She flung herself in his arms; and the moment was sealed with a torrid kiss.

Monday, 1 July 2013

In Another Universe

In another universe where
My form doesn't betray my soul,
Where beyond a splintered being
I find myself whole,
I will laugh, I will cry.
I won't let life just pass by.
I will breathe
Without the fear of being stifled.
I will run
Without the fear of being crippled.

I will run, I will fly.
I will run farther than far.
I will fly higher than high.

O life! Thy fruit I will taste,
However sweet or sour.
All those colours that you hide,
I will see them as they are,
In all vibrancy and vividness.

In another universe where
There is life and there is light,
Deliriously I will dance
Shunning all the precepts
Of wrong and right.

Delirium! What bliss!
Oh, the method-less madness!
No, one is not beyond moral censure.
Yet one is beyond its torture.
Oblivion is the precious key
That sets one loose
And sets one free.
Were Keats' words I to borrow,
"To think is to be full of sorrow. "
Blessed is such oblivion!
Blessed is such delirium!

In another universe where
I will be I
Without festering others
Without fettering myself.
In another universe where
There are no strident silences and glaring glances,
Where my form won't betray my soul,
Where beyond a splintered being,
I will find myself whole.

(Some times you don't write poetry, it writes itself. And sometimes poetry writes you.)



                                                        

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

There are times when:

When you want that phone to ring/beep, but it just won't.

When you want that stranger you just met on the street to turn around, but they just won't.

When you search through the racks of the library frantically to find that one particular book, but you just won't.

When you run your eyes up and down repeatedly through that list to locate your name on it, earnestly hoping that you might've missed it the last time, but you just won't.

When you want a particular story you're reading/ movie you're watching to take a happy turn, but it just won't.

When you want that train/flight to run behind schedule for merely ten minutes, but it just won't.

When you want someone to treat you the same way (if not better) you treat them, but they just won't.

When you want the doctor to just smile at you and say everything is fine and that there's nothing to worry about, but he just won't.

When you want someone whom you secretly liked and whom all your friends hated in college, to turn out to be great, but they just won't.

When you want the people who are the closest to you to understand your problem without you even having to express it, but they just won't.

When you see a four year child completely absorbed in a cartoon series that you had once watched with as much of interest, but now, no matter how hard you try, you just won't.

When you learn about a new development in your friend's life and you want to genuinely feel happy about it, but you just can't.

When you want to say really nasty and mean things to someone who's a complete douche-bag, but you just won't.

When you want life to stop being a bitch for once, but it just wont.

When you want to stop ranting about life and just live it, but you just won't. :)

निजगाद सा यदुनन्दने


I wish to twirl in your darkness, 
wrapping it around my fair self.
Let your darkness permeate my very soul 
and dye me black.
Taint me, for purity is banal.

Let your darkness
prance upon my barren self.
Let it rise like thick smoke,
eclipsing me and my doubts.

Let it drip along my form,
drop by drop, 
washing away my vanity and frailty.

Smear me with your darkness.
Allow me to dissolve in it.
For this form is too tiresome to bear.
Bless me with ignorance 
which only your touch could accord.

Let your darkness grow on me, 
and consume me.
Let it camouflage me
in this dark night, 
in the cosmic darkness
that knows no bounds.

I don’t wish to be seen; 
conceal me in your dark embrace.
I wish to be as close to you as your darkness.
I want to be you.
Let your darkness eat me away 
leaving behind no residue.