Wednesday, 3 December 2014

कुरु यदुनन्दन



Rub some salt of hope
On my wounds, so that
I may sing.
Shriller. And shriller still.

Bind me in darkness
Delirious, so that
I may dance.
Madder. And madder still.

Drown me in solitude
Delicious, so that
I may float.
Lighter. And lighter still.

Impale my imperviousness
Immense (and noxious), so that
I may heal.
Quicker. And quicker still.

Stifle my meagre mind
With wishlessness, so that
I may breathe.
Easier. And easier still.

Underline my eyes
With kohl of oblivion, so that
 I may see.
Clearer. And clearer still.

Push me from the nadir
Of my vanity, so that
I may fall.
Deeper. And deeper still.

Stoke my soul with passion, and
Fill my body with love, so that
I may fly.
Higher. And higher still.

And then shatter into pieces
My heart, so that
I may grow benevolent.
Kinder. And kinder still



O Unfair Master! I pray to thee:
Colonize my heart,and

Enslave my mind, so that

I may be set free!
Freer. And freer still.
 

~ aviD

                                                                         
 

Monday, 24 November 2014

There

Like
fair play in the world;
'b' in subtle;
reason in love;

Like
sight in Soordas and Homer;
'sense' in nonsense;
intermolecular space in solids;


Like
stars during the day;
meaning in life;
God in an idol;

Like
righteousness in Right;
feasibility left in Left;
equilibrium in Centre;

Like
Change wrought about by time,
day by day,
in things sub-lunar;

Like
my literary talent;
escape in sleep;
beauty in death; 

Like
Eternity in a moment;
Cosmos in a granule of sand;
truth in what poets write;

Like
Radhika in Bhagwatam;
Sensation of pleasure
and pain in a dream.

Like
the sixth Pandav;
originality in Shakespeare;
and efficacy of prayer.

Like
the weight of air,
you, O beloved! are always
there yet not there.

~aviD

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Laughter

Smile gathers
around your lips
slowly
and then becomes
laughter,
all at once,
like the new season
which slinks in,
day by day, night by night,
and then ushers in,
all at once.

~ aviD

"No pic, no reply"

I said:
My mind forbids
pinging you
but my heart doesn’t comply.
All they said was: “no pic, no reply.”
Pictures are not people;
People are not pictures.
Understand.
At least try.
All they said was: “no pic, no reply.”
We could make it meaningful,
deep, lasting and beautiful.
Let us take this beyond
the mere demand and supply.
All they said was: “no pic, no reply. ”
Together we could share
our lows and our highs.
We could laugh together,
maybe even cry.
All they said was: ” no pic, no reply.”
We could walk on the shore,
Collect shells, build castles.
We could gaze at stars
under a moonlit sky.
All they said was: “no pic, no reply. ”
We could do long drives,
musical nights, shopping sprees.
We could explore new eateries.
Heck! Even barbecue, bake and fry.
All they said was: “no pic, no reply. ”
Then time flew.
More impatient I grew.
I learnt my lesson by and by.
One fine day I too wrote:
“Golden rule apply;
No pic, no reply.”

~ aviD

Thursday, 16 October 2014

Beginnings...

Winter has begun
to whisper
again.

The air seems
to have regained
its grace.

Fans haven't been
put out yet.
Yet we clasp our sheets
tighter
as we nestle in our beds.

Soon the winter will yelp,
a silent, bone-chilling yelp.

The air will get colder,
beds warmer,
my soul darker.

Bodily warmth doesn't suffice
when the soul craves warmth;
the warmth that can make it
melt,
and can recast it in a mould
in which it once
dwelt.

~ aviD

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

शरद पूर्णिमा

At a certain hour
        and a certain thought
        in the night,
as I lie in my bed,
      mostly awake,


     Moon-rays come
     knocking at my window,
              boisterously,
    when the moon positions itself
     right across my window.

Perhaps to sympathise;
Perhaps to mock.


          Tonight too,
           'tis so.

   It looks at me,
     expectantly,
    as it bleeds,
    waiting for me
    to nurse it.

I wish to have no
truck with it though!

       Why, it's a gloriously bitter reminder,
            this moon, full and whole,
              of a promise unfulfilled
                      and broken
          that haunts my dark soul.



|| याताबला व्रजं सिद्धा  मयेमा  रंस्यथ क्षपा:

  यदुदिश्य व्रतमिदं चेरुरार्यार्चनं सती: ॥ (Bhagwatam.10.22.27)    


~ aviD






                                                                   

Monday, 29 September 2014

Fossilised

The hopes you had raised
that evening
still stir occasionally
in the dark closets
of my memory.

Your words and phrases
punctuated by smiles
and twitching eyebrows
still breathe somewhere
between the pages
of my notebook.

Yes, you were one of those
who made it to those pages
and will remain there
fossilised,

gathering vividness
every time the pages flutter
in the winds of my solitude,

recreating that muggy evening
when my heart had danced a
secret dance,
unseen and soundless,

reminding me of your
oblivion then
and thereafter.

Oblivion-- so precious
whose absence
would have made me feel
vulgar.

The hopes you had raised
that evening
still stir occasionally
in the dark closets
of my memory,

but now I have learnt
the art of being deaf
to their pleas.

They were too demanding;
I was too inadequate.

~ aviD






Friday, 5 September 2014

A Kiss Is Not Just That

To call it just a kiss
would be unjust
For it wasn't just that.

It wasn't just our lips
that met;
Nor just our tongues
that battled.

It was my having you,
And your having me.
Not simply having me,
But having me,
My I,
My self;

It was my having you
in those moments
as flickery as the
candle flame
that flickered
as we kissed.

I discovered
a whole new
You!
I tasted the coffee that'd
burnt your tongue
this morning.
My tongue sympathised
with yours.

I chanced upon
that fibre of bhutta--
stuck adamantly between
the spaces of your teeth--
you'd just had.

I sensed my name that'd
rolled off your tongue
ever so tenderly
before you'd leaned forward
to kiss
Me.

It still sat there,
It sat there still.

There were the invectives too
that you'd used to curse
a reckless fellow driver
while driving on the road.

The fine words of praise
you'd showered upon me
clung to the wall of your mouth
and sweetened mine
as we kissed
under the moon
that looked like
a large water-melon wedge
coated with fine and delicate silver foil
juicy and edible.

Then there were also
those three treacherous words,
hidden in a dark corner
of your mouth,
waiting to pop out
as soon as the kiss
were to end.

"I love you!"
You would have said,
had I not continued
kissing you ceaselessly.

To call it just a kiss
would be unjust;
For this kiss averted
a disaster too!

~ aviD


Monday, 1 September 2014

Blankness

And the cursor on the screen blinked. And blinked. He stared at the blank page. And stared some more.

 Angai had thought it would be one of those nights when words would just ooze out of him, but nothing did. For the last week or so, he had been sensing something swash and gurgle inside of him, but utterly defiant to take shape. Vaporous and violent, it continued to swash. There was something wanting to come out. In a form...more cohesive and tangible. In form of words. What was it?

Then there were these list-your-ten-favourite book posts that kept appearing every ten minutes. These people! It was like making your love life public. It was like making a list of ten people you have bedded and then pasting it all over the city. Of course, he was being too uncharitable and testy. He did not have any lists, grossly under-read person that he was.

Samar had phoned. It had been five days—no, last Saturday it was—since. They’d spoken after nearly four months. Yet there was so much warmth in his voice when he spoke with Samar. What was the best thing about this equation? The fact that it could never fructify in to anything, perhaps. That brought immense pain and relief at once. Neither of them expected anything out of one and other. Not even a meeting. Samar talked nonsense, as usual, while he drove back home. He hadn’t found a girl to marry yet. It just doesn’t work out somehow, he had said. Angai had made fun of Samar’s advancing age. “You are way past your marriageable age—what other choice you have than marrying me!”

They had both laughed. No, he thought, that was the best thing about them. They did not take each other or themselves seriously. There was always an air of irreverence that wreathed them whenever they interacted with each other. Yet there was something so genuine about...

There had been a few others who had been uncommonly kind to him. They were ready to him indulge in all manners possible. But he felt it would be betrayal of sorts if he were to let them on. There was something that did not click. What was it, he wondered. There were many, yet there was none. Nothing. Blankness as blank as the page he kept staring at.

He had come to realise that he had a weakness for a peculiar combination of grace and gravitas. It was not physical beauty per se that he desired singularly. It was this odd mixture of elegance and gravitas that he kept trying to seek in one being after another.

Was that Shubh’s new display picture? Oh, yes it was he. Such cuteness! Did Angai just giggle? Or sigh? Shubh walked in Angai’s life three years late. Had Angai discovered Shubh three years ago, they would have been married by now, Angai was positive. He was everything Angai could have ever asked for. Everything and maybe more, but three years ago. The last three years stood between them as if three lifetimes. These three years made a radically new person out of Angai, so much so that Angai of three years ago would not recognise that of present, never mind like him. Why would then, Shubh, the pious and pristine vaishnav soul that he was, ever like Angai? Impulsively, Angai shared Shubh’s picture with a friend on whatsapp and appended tags such as #TheVaishnavGuy  #ThePerfectMatchThatCouldNeverBe

Some people have their favourite words. Words, too, have favourite people. Angai was Irony’s favourite person. What stood between Angai and happiness, if ever there was such a thing, was Angai himself. But he could not part with himself, now, could he? Of course not. How could he lie? Lie to his own soul...

Yet another my-top-ten-books post. Books had become something he had been obsessing over of late. That’s how it has always been. He has always had to have something to cling to; something to pin hopes to; something to make a show of; something to romanticise. Always! Different things over all these years—but the same tendency. He still did not have a top ten list...ironically.

Maybe writing about it would help, he thought. But when he sat to write, the cursor blinked. And blinked. He stared at the blank page. And then stared some more.

Thursday, 28 August 2014

In Defense Of Wordy Words (and People)...



I for one have never really understood the kerfuffle over inclusion of the word ‘selfie’ in the Oxford Dictionary (MS Word underlines this word marking it as a typographical error as I write). A successful language is one that is capacious and elastic to accommodate such neologisms, and English is renowned for being as such. Neologisms and borrowings have only enriched the language.

Words are organic. They do have a life of their own—and apparently lifetimes too. Words are born, evolve and die. There are words which get phased out over a period of time from the corpus, and are eventually forgotten. Some words, like some of the more flexible species of animals, adapt and assume new meanings and connotations—sometimes complete opposite of the original ones. Take for instance the word ‘timorous’: Shakespeare (in Othello) used timorous to mean fearsome/fear-inspiring; now it has come to mean fearful/trepid. Sometimes the same word has two exactly opposite meanings and both the meanings co-exist, as in case of the words cleave or dust (such words are called contranyms).  It’s through these changes and adaptations that words manage to survive for long.   

 Changes occur not only in terms of meanings but also parts of speech (so many words which were strictly nouns once are freely used as verbs now) and class-associations. The word ‘brainy’ would be scoffed at by a pedant for its slangy and lowbrow feel, fifty years ago. Can ‘Hopefully’ be used to mean ‘it is to be hoped’ or should it be used only to mean full of hope? Can ‘decimate’ be used to mean drastic reduction, or should it only be used to mean a reduction of the order of one-tenth? And other such debates have continued for many years now, and, um, hopefully, will continue evermore. 

Although usage guides thrive on such technicalities and neologisms, and ensure that the discussions around them don’t fizzle out, little sympathy is shown toward the words which are in the twilight of their lifespan or which have already met with their end. While I am all for welcoming fresh infusions in the language, I am a slightly averse to the idea of looking down upon the usage of an archaic or refined word as an instance of elitism.  

Ernest Hemmingway disapproved of Nathaniel Hawthrone's style of writing, for he found Hawthrone's usage of obsolete words or the "words that are not alive in the language" annoying. If we take the formerly used animal-analogy further: doesn't it, then, become incumbent on some of us to help the words which are becoming extinct—just as the wildlife activists do with the endangered species. You may argue that this seems like bit of a stretch. Whereas extinction of endangered species could create an ecological imbalance, disappearance of a handful of words would not have any such effect. Which is another way of saying that unless they are of utility, it is fine for words to vanish. 

But then, is the purpose of language only utilitarian. Language, and by extension literature and civilisation, would have been so drab. Is it inappropriate for writers to make an attempt to help preserve 'endangered words'? Should this kind of activism be cast off as deliberate obfuscation or undue display of verbiage? 

I remember the ‘wordy’ debate the use of word crepuscular by the Booker-prize winning author Eleanor Catton in an article had kindled last year. A reader of Paris Review had alleged that the usage of the words such as ‘crepuscular’ was an instance of exercising literary snobbery by the author. Eleanor subsequently wrote an essay to vindicate herself. 

Why can’t we open ourselves to the magic and beauty of words? Why can’t we push ourselves a little when it comes to learning new words? Why can’t we see a well placed and well used instance of a slightly uncommon word as an opportunity of enriching our vocabulary rather than as an undue display of verbiage by the writer/speaker. While we may embrace selfie and twerking freely, why can’t we also appreciate temerity or banausic? 

There is something so tempting in the crunch of crepuscular when uttered, that is missing in shadowy. There’s something so mouthful about surreptitious that is missing in secretive. It’s as though the word claims your mouth and works every muscle of your mouth before plopping out of it. Second hand can never produce the same effect as vicarious. Mixing can never be as sonorous as mingling. Sublime is not the same as beautiful (ask Edmund Burke; poor fellow wrote an entire treatise explaining the difference!)

Not very long ago Chetan Bhagat in one of his columns had mocked the usage of words such as dexterity and temerity, and had suggested that they are outdated and that they are not required in the job-market. Now, I am not the kind who’d crinkle their nose if I find someone reading Bhagat. For that matter, I have no bone to pick with Mr Bhagat. I don’t want to jump on to the Bhagat-Bashing bandwagon which, in some sense, is a way of asserting your intellectual superiority. Not everyone needs to, or has the tenacity, to deal with the meandering plots of Rushdie. Not everyone is disposed to appreciate, or has the patience to, endure layered and glacial narratives of the Arundhati Roys and Anita Desais. And thus it is very well for such a person to pick up a Bhagat and enjoy, well, a quickie. In spirit of disclosure, I must admit I myself had read his debut novel and even enjoyed it then. There is a need and market for all kinds.  And I think that’s the best thing about books: they are not obtrusive. You don’t like it, you don’t buy it or shut it. It’s as simple as that. Unlike Yo Yo Honey Singh’s songs (the horror, the horror!), Chetan’s books won’t haunt you from the gym to the night-club.  

What bothers me to some degree, however, is the whiff of this extremely narrow and utilitarian approach toward language that rises from the said column: Only the portions of language which are consumable in the job-market are worth retaining, while the rest is something that the literary elite can go to devil with. And again, this view would have been in some ways justified had Mr Bhagat been an investment banker that he earlier was, but coming from a writer it sounds a bit worrying. 

I hasten to add that this rant is not entirely impersonal. As a trainer who deals with host of students and working professionals on any given day, the most common and constant gripe I get to hear from my trainees is about the heaps of “new and difficult” words they have to learn. With some apprehension (I don’t wish to generalise), I also venture to add that most of them are engineers.  From what I understand they suffer from the same what’s-the-use-of-knowing-them-when-you’re-not-gonna-use-them syndrome: the same transactional approach. Everything, including words, has to have use; otherwise it will be looked at as burden. I find this approach a bit problematic. I keep explaining to them how they’re looking at the whole thing wrong; how they ought to change the way they perceive words; how they need to start liking and appreciating words if they want to be friends with words. Yes, words have feelings too. If you like them, they like you back. And if you don’t, they, too, are under no obligation to like you.

Sometimes, out of utter desperation, I have to invent and borrow reasons which could incentivise their enriched vocabulary: I tell them how good command over words can boost their dating prospects (this works in some cases, I must admit). But other times I get to face a rather tepid response from them when I am discussing new words with them. I remember once almost losing my temper in the class when the trainees wore indifferent and stony expressions on their respective faces as I discussed the so-called new and difficult words. Of course I apologised to them shortly thereafter, but when I reflected on the episode I realised that my discomfort sprung from the different ways we perceive words. Words did not animate them the way they animate me. A new word does not spark a frisson in them as it does in me. They see words as a task, an onerous one at that. They see these words as a short-term commitment and not a long-term investment. They don’t realise how the knowledge of these words can be their doorway to great deal of knowledge. Thriving on Buzzfeed the listicle culture, they might as well demand replacement of words with GIFs!

 Were I in their place, I would gobble up all those new words with utmost alacrity—as I do even now. And I am sure there are many others who have much deeper affection and admiration for words than I may ever have. Wouldn’t branding such people as literary snobs be a hasty judgement? 

(P.S. Honest confession: I wanted to use banausic instead of drab and logomachy instead of wordy debate, but I refrained lest I should be frowned upon.)

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Rishikesh



I write this in Rishikesh. The holy land. The Tapasthali as it is called. The last time I was here was about twenty years ago. This trip, like the last one too, was equally capricious. This too, like the last one, was a journey by road. I must have been all of six or seven when the last one was undertaken. To my seven year old, callow mind the idea of travelling to a land so far by car had seemed so overwhelming. Cars can only be used to traverse city-length distances, I used to think. In this trip, however, I had no clue of what the destination was until we’d reached midway. It was then, upon my pesky insistence, that the destination was revealed to me. “Just pack your bag and sit in the car,” was the instruction given by this friend who planned the trip. I must admit that when finally the revelation was made, waves of excitement and surprise ran through my body. All the memories from the last trip came rushing back. 

Ganga—The Ganges!

Twenty years have passed since I had seen Ganga flowing in all her magnificence and glory. From the room I was staying in, one could see Ganga flowing through the foothills of the Subhadra hill range (so I am told). One could see the hills in the backdrop—or should I say not see them. These hills remain perpetually shrouded in the clouds—their summits certainly do. One can only faintly trace their silhouettes. It feels as though they are too proud of their beauty and think the world (and people like I) to be too poor a judge of their beauty, and hence in their ancient wisdom choose to remain veiled. Or maybe they actually contain the proverbial ancient and secret wisdom which they want to conceal from prying eyes. The mystique only augments their charm though. Whatever may be the reason, the sight of these tall and bosky hills wrapped in a misty blanket is spell-casting.

At their base flows Ganga. There are some subjects about whom one can’t talk without sounding cliché, and Ganges is one such subject. She splays and meanders, after having cavorted in the difficult and mountainous terrain farther up North. The volume of water and pace with which it flows is staggering.   

As a Vaishnav one is reminded of all the epics whose past is believed to be intertwined with that of Ganges. Mahabharat, if my memory serves me well, was composed on the banks of Ganga in Badrikashram. Bhagwatam—the crest-jewel of Puranas—was narrated by Shukadev Paramhans to King Parikshit, the grandson of Pandavas on the banks of Ganga in Naimish-aaranya. Lord Ram was a descendent of King Bhagirath, who is believed to have been responsible for the descent of Ganges from the heavens. Pleased by his tough penance and upon his insistence that Lord Shiv agreed to hold Ganges in his locks so as to temper her fierce flow. 

Such is the significance of Ganges. She is linked to all these ancient tales. She’s been a witness to all of them. Originating from the toenail of Lord Narayan and washing the dense locks of Lord Rudra, she descends on this mundane world. Gurgling fervently, she carves and curves her way through the Himalyan foothills. She is so ancient and yet ever so fresh. 

You cannot help but feel at home in the vicinity of Ganga. You feel you belong here. Her swift flow and vivacity seem to suggest as if she’s replete with tales to tell, of the mountains, of the ancient past, of her current sorry state. It’s a disgrace that we’ve managed to corrupt something as pristine as her. 

But Ganga—no matter how bad things may be for her—seems to give one hope. One can still draw an uncanny solace from seeing her flowing. One feels that things are not as bad, at least till is Ganga is around. 

The one thing I thought I’d miss out on this trip was rains. The clouds were clustering overhead, hanging unusually low, but, like celibate yogis who would observe strict penance, they too seemed not to let go. 

To my pleasure though, finally, just hours before our departure, they decided to, well, break their vow of celibacy.